The Newbie's guide to SHIELD
by XoXSea-wolfXoX
Summary: The guide for the trainee young Agent , all you will ever need to know about how to in short ...survive .Love , rivals , randomness and lots of pathetic violence .Rated T for language and suggestive themes .Chapter 3 - Alarm is up ! Features naked Gangnam style , drunkeness and general madness!
1. Chapter 1 -Mornings

_Yes I know there are already a few of these kicking about but I wanted to do my own one .I am currently using a random word generator but am looking to take a requests .Aiming for around 30+ chapters if I can :_D

Please review :P

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Izzy looked down at the book infront of her as she walked along the corridors of the west wing .The book before her was completely empty , except the map she had printed of and stuck into the front page of the book .Fury had decided to leave her in charge of writing up the new Shield 'newbie's' manual .Why she had no idea , surely he had someone who was supposed to do that for him ?

"What you up to squirt ?"Izzy rolled her eyes hearing Tony behind her .

"My name is Izabella not squirt ."She growled sitting on the table folding her legs underneath her ."And thank your for that I think I've come up with my first idea ."Untieing her pen from her belt she opened the book up to the first blank page .Tony just nodded slightly confused before walking off again .

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**Chapter 1 - Morning**

_Everyone hates Mondays and that includes the older members of Shield .Monday mornings are the worst though , especially when _

_uniform means people walk round carrying at least two guns on them somewhere ._

_In short , don't piss them off ..._

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_Izzy sat at the front of the classroom , feet propped up on the desk .Jayson sat next to her using his mini catapult to launch items of his pencil case _

_across the classroom ."Yo wolfie !"Izzy opened one eye glaring at him from her slumped position "can I borrow your pen ?"Before Izzy_

_had a chance to reply Jay had her pencil case in his hand and was rummaging threw it "Awsome ! This'll do ."He grinned hiding something _

_in the palm of his hand .Placing it carefully into his catapult he aimed at the poster on the wall and pulled back as far as he could ._

_The door opened as walked in , having returned from some sort of sick leave after the last lesson _

_which had become common , after every lesson with them to be exact ._

_'Izzy sniggered as she listened in on Jays though 'Oh Shit ...'_

_The item flew across the room hitting the teacher in the face only to fall in his hand ."JAYSON!"_

_"Morning sir ! "Jay slowly started to shrink down beneath the desk ._

_Izzy soon did the same when she noticed what Jay had launched at the teacher .'Todays lesson' she thought sharing _

_her thoughts with Jay 'Don't fling Izzy's Tampons at the teacher !' _


	2. Chapter 2 - Fields

_Izzy dragged her feet across the floor from the door to her bed .Falling spread out across her bed she groaned as the cool front cover of the Newbies Guide brushed against her damp exposed skin ."You want me to write for you ?"Jay asked leaning against the doorframe ._

_"umpf ..."Izzy mumbled , face pressed against her pillow."I hate field trips .."She cursed lifting her head up slightly .Jay chuckled and started to write_

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**Chapter 2 - Field **

_When your told your going to be going on a field trip they normally mean you are literally going to a field ..._

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Izzy glared at Jay as they stood in no more than t-shirts and short , in the pouring rain , in the middle of a field of temperamental sheep.

"Can we please just go home already !"Izzy hissed rubbing her arms up and down to try and warm herself up slightly .

"Get down !"Jay shouted suddenly , dragging her to the floor so they where pressed up against the muddy ground .

Having slipped his hand over Izzy's mouth to keep her quiet Izzy didn't bother to protest and instead just lay there giving up

"They're round here somewhere ."She could hear voices nearby , reaching down to her lower leg she picked up her gun and aimed .

There was a loud *bang* which was quickly followed by a stamped of sheep .

"SHIT!IZZY RUN!"Jay shouted as he was chased across the field by the herd of sheep , closely followed by the other team who where

firing round after round at him.

"urg !"Izzy mentally cursed before shooting , hitting 3 of the 5 that made up the other team before they worked out where she was .

Megan and Ki , the last two members of the other team where quickly running towards her .But it didn't last long as Megan fell down a rabbit hole and Ki fell over a stray sheep .Izzy made quick work of shooting both before strolling off to find Jay and the rest of her team .

"Go on without me !"Jay coughed rolling around on the ground .

"It's only paintball Jay ...

Now you know that when Fury says we're going on a field trip , we are literally going to a field ."


	3. Chapter 3 - Alarm

Written at stupid o'clock ...Seriously so tired but i cant sleep so this chapter is kinda crap :P

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Jay fiddled with the pen in his hands , Izzy was by now flat out sleeping with no signs of waking any time soon ."Suppose I could write abit more while she's asleep .."He muttered tapping the pen against his bottom lip until he came up with the next chapter .

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**Chapter 3 - Alarm**

_Alarms are never a good thing around Shield , especially if its in the middle of the night ._

_In short if you hear the alarm your either about to get a bollocking or you should be running for your life_

_or both ...lets just go with both._

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Having drunk quite alot that night it was lift to Izzy and Jay to drag a rather drunk Ki back to his room ,without being spotted .

"Your preshy !"Ki declared very loudly .

"urm...Ok Ki , thanks I think ..."Izzy replied hesitantly .

"Why..wa ..doshi ."KI stumbled along , resisting Jay and izzy's attempts to get him to his room ."Wha don cha come back ..ta...tar...urrr..."

Ki suddenly leant over and kissed Izzy , Izzy screamed as Ki fell ontop of her , her body getting thrown back in the process .Her elbow smashing the fire alarm ."Ki Get off me !"She yelped as her and Ki ended up on the floor ."Jay help !"She shouted as Ki tried to kiss her again .

Jay grabbed the older boys arm and yanked him to his feet pushing him out of the way before moving quickly over to pick up Izzy ."You alright ?"He asked picking her up ,putting her down on her feet once more .

Having not realised she had set the alarm off Izzy lent against Jay for a moment getting her bearings back again ."Urm Jay ?"

"Yeah ?"

"Why are half of Shield in their pyjamas pointing guns at ...wait is Ki naked ?"

"Oh good god."Jay slapped forehead , shaking his head .

Ki was prancing about butt naked while his phone blasted out 'Oppa Gangnam Style '.

"Fury's office in 3...2...1..."

"CARLI ! GRAINZKY! MY Office now !"

'Why do they have to place alarms in such awkward places ?'Izzy thought ..


End file.
